so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Is it because I queefed?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
