Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Randomize
