So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
