Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
