Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
