am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
