Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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