hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
