dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Randomize
