why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize