when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
