i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I could fuck to npr.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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