Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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