why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
