You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
