You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
