It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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