now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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