I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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