i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just gargled with NyQuil
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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