Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize