Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
