Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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