are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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