I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
