her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
