i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
