Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
