can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
