You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
