smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
