White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
