So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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