I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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