happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my sisters under your porch take her home
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Randomize
