I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
