but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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