tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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