so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
