i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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