well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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