You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
