i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was born a porn star she said
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
