he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
