Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
