so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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