Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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