And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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