i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I need moral support for this bender
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
