new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
