Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
