you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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