She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
