wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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