oh god the rape fog is back!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
