dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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