do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
