You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
