Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
