this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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