Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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