dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
