How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
