Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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