and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
