i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
