did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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