Will you blow on my dice?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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