Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
