i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
