Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
