Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
