no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
