thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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