I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
