five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
