I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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