the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
