i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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