i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
