I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
