Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize