are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
