I just gift wrapped bread.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
