There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize