i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
