the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize