Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
