this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
