I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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