It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
soo... how was my night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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