Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
