it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
40s are totally the cure
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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