Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
