Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
