My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
