i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
