Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
