Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
