I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
