What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
