I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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