She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
