Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
