Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
