Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
