I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
