dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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